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Eli Lilly's revenue soars on weight-loss drug demand, but profit forecast dips due to acquisition costs and tariff concerns, a complex situation it is. image

Lilly's Profit Forecast, Diminished it Has: Weight-Loss Drugs, a Force They Are!

Thu 01 May, 2025 12:04
2 minutes to read

Geralt of Rivia reports on Lloyds Banking Group's profit dip due to tariffs, higher costs, and the ever-present uncertainty of the modern world. image

Toss a Coin to Your Banker: Lloyds' Profits Suffer a Witcher's Curse (of Trump's Tariffs)

Thu 01 May, 2025 09:25
3 minutes to read

Reports of Tesla's board seeking Elon Musk's replacement prove premature, as the company denies the Wall Street Journal's claims amidst falling sales and profits. image

Tesla's Electric Shock: Musk Stays Put (For Now), Says 'False!' to CEO Replacement Rumors

Thu 01 May, 2025 08:54
3 minutes to read

Mr. Burns weighs in on the recent Wall Street Journal report of Tesla's CEO search and Robyn Denholm's swift denial. Is it time to send Smithers to poach Elon, or should we let him stew in his own electric juice? image

Release the Hounds! Tesla CEO Saga: A Burnsian Perspective on Musk's Reign

Thu 01 May, 2025 08:54
2 minutes to read

Spain's competition watchdog approves BBVA's acquisition of Banco Sabadell, but with remedies. The government isn't thrilled, and I have a bad feeling about this... image

BBVA's Hostile Takeover: Hasta la Vista, Sabadell?

Thu 01 May, 2025 07:37
2 minutes to read

Tony Montana reports on BBVA's attempted takeover of Banco Sabadell, the government's disapproval, and the competition watchdog's conditions, all while trying to figure out who the hell Caixabank is. image

Say Hello to My Little Bank: BBVA's Hostile Takeover of Sabadell and the Spanish Government's Headache

Thu 01 May, 2025 07:37
3 minutes to read

Captain Jack Sparrow reports on the South Korean Supreme Court's decision that throws Lee Jae-myung's presidential bid into Davy Jones' Locker, while Prime Minister Han Duck-soo eyes the captain's chair. image

Shiver Me Timbers! South Korea's Presidential Race Turns Treacherous!

Thu 01 May, 2025 07:06
3 minutes to read

Reports suggest Tesla is seeking a successor to Elon Musk after sales and profits plummet, proving even electric cars can't outrun Chuck Norris. image

Tesla's Board Searches for New CEO: Did They Finally Feel My Roundhouse Kick?

Thu 01 May, 2025 06:55
3 minutes to read

Tesla's board is finally looking for a new CEO, as falling profits and Musk's antics send the stock plummeting faster than Fry falling down a tube. image

Good News Everyone! Tesla Ditches Musk Like a Bad Case of Space Rabies!

Thu 01 May, 2025 06:55
3 minutes to read

Tommy Shelby reports on Sam Altman's Worldcoin, a venture that scans your eyeballs for crypto, identity, and perhaps, a bit more control than anyone's comfortable with. image

By Order of the Algorithm: Altman's Eye-Scanning Scheme Arrives Stateside

Thu 01 May, 2025 06:24
2 minutes to read