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Tony Montana dissects Coinbase's first-quarter stumbles, Trump's tariff troubles, and a $2.9 billion deal, all while dropping some Scarface wisdom. image

Coinbase? More Like Coin-Base-ment! Tony Montana on Crypto Carnage

Thu 08 May, 2025 21:35
2 minutes to read

Captain Jack Sparrow reports on the curious case of Trump's U.S. Attorney appointment, a tale of pardons, political tides, and a fox finding a new den. image

Savvy Switcheroo! Trump Plucks Pirro for Justice, Sends Martin Walkin' the Plank!

Thu 08 May, 2025 22:52
3 minutes to read

The U.S. and U.K. have agreed on a trade deal outline, fueling market optimism and hopes for progress in U.S.-China relations. It appears that perhaps, just perhaps, the Ministry of Trade might be onto something... image

Great Scott! A Trade Deal? Maybe the Muggles are Getting it Right!

Thu 08 May, 2025 20:00
3 minutes to read

Palantir's stock surge propels it into the top 10 U.S. tech companies, sparking debate about its valuation and future prospects. Move over Salesforce, there's a new shake it off kid in town! image

Palantir's Market Cap Soars Past Salesforce: Are We in the 'Wildest Dreams' of Tech Valuations?

Thu 08 May, 2025 20:17
3 minutes to read

Captain Marvel reports on Coinbase's acquisition of Deribit for $2.9 billion, a move that could shake up the global crypto market and maybe even buy me a fancy new spaceship… eventually. image

Higher, Further, Faster... into Crypto! Coinbase Buys Deribit in Mega-Deal!

Thu 08 May, 2025 20:14
3 minutes to read

Hulk read fancy chart-talk about Coinbase stock. Sounds like good time to maybe buy, maybe smash. Bitcoin go boom? image

HULK SMASH... COINBASE! Crypto Go UP! (Maybe...Hulk Still Learning)

Thu 08 May, 2025 17:53
1 minutes to read

Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates vows to double his charitable giving, addressing global issues and challenging fellow billionaires to step up their game, while also subtly calling out Elon Musk's aid cuts. image

Bill Gates Goes Full 'Avengers Assemble' on World Problems: Pledges $200 Billion!

Thu 08 May, 2025 16:48
3 minutes to read

Borat investigates the escalating tensions between India and Pakistan, featuring drone attacks, civilian casualties, and the ever-present threat of another big problem. image

India and Pakistan: Very Nice! Or is it? Drone Wars and Kashmir Kaboom!

Thu 08 May, 2025 16:07
2 minutes to read

President Trump considers Fox News host Jeanine Pirro for interim U.S. Attorney after dropping Ed Martin's nomination, raising eyebrows and existential questions about the space-time continuum of political appointments. image

Trump Mulls Jeanine Pirro for DC Attorney: Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub, That's Some Serious Cronyism!

Thu 08 May, 2025 19:51
2 minutes to read

Josh Brown analyzes the market's rebound following Trump's U.K. trade deal, cautioning that the upswing may be short-lived without further catalysts. image

Hasta La Vista, Bear Market? Trump Deal Sparks Hope, But Expert Warns: I'll Be Back... With Volatility!

Thu 08 May, 2025 17:54
2 minutes to read