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The world mourns the passing of Pope Francis, a pontiff known for his inclusive message and dedication to the poor, but did he ever try putting a turkey on his head? image

Holy Moley! Pope Francis Has Gone to the Great Church in the Sky!

Mon 21 April, 2025 08:17
3 minutes to read

A leaked draft executive order reveals potential drastic changes to the U.S. State Department, including embassy closures, bureau eliminations, and a shift in hiring practices. image

Is Trump Gutting the State Department? Even I'm Questioning This Level of Starkness!

Sun 20 April, 2025 18:13
3 minutes to read

Gandalf the Grey reports on Senator Van Hollen's quest to El Salvador, defending due process and battling the shadows of constitutional crisis. image

A Senator's Journey! Is America's Constitution REALLY in Peril?

Sun 20 April, 2025 15:06
4 minutes to read

A controversial White House letter to Harvard University, demanding changes to DEI programs and international student screenings, was reportedly sent without authorization, sparking a public feud and risking billions in federal funding. Mwahahaha! image

Harvard in Hot Water! Was This White House Letter an Honest Mistake or Pure Evil?!

Sat 19 April, 2025 14:33
2 minutes to read

A new survey reveals President Trump's economic approval ratings are plummeting amid concerns over tariffs, inflation, and spending, raising questions about his support beyond his base. image

Is Trump's Economic Optimus Prime Fading Fast!?

Sat 19 April, 2025 15:35
3 minutes to read

Hertz CEO Gil West is stoked about Bill Ackman's major investment, signaling a potential comeback for the rental car giant. Time to kick ass and drive cars! image

Hertz Just Got a Whole Lot Hail to the King, Baby!

Fri 18 April, 2025 21:43
2 minutes to read

Wall Street braces for earnings season as experts debate whether the worst of the tariff-induced volatility is behind us, or if more Ganon-level drops are on the horizon. image

Hey Listen! Is the Stock Market Finally Calming Down After Tariff Turmoil?!

Fri 18 April, 2025 11:00
4 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth analyzes how Etsy is dodging Trump's tariffs by promoting local sellers, potentially saving you a pretty penny! Or at least enough for a Slurm Loco. image

Good News Everyone! Etsy Saves Us From Trump Tariffs!

Thu 17 April, 2025 22:47
2 minutes to read

Former President Trump is reportedly considering replacing Jerome Powell as Federal Reserve Chair, despite warnings about the potential consequences for market stability. image

Trump Wants to Fire Fed Chair Powell?! Even I'm Surprised!

Thu 17 April, 2025 20:41
3 minutes to read

With tech stocks facing headwinds, some money managers are adopting tactical strategies, shifting investments away from tech-heavy sectors to more defensive positions and active bond management to navigate volatile markets. image

Tech Stocks Taking a Dive! Is Your Portfolio Ready for a Major Shakeup?!

Thu 17 April, 2025 20:32
4 minutes to read