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China's SMIC falters in Q1, missing revenue and profit targets amidst geopolitical tensions and domestic demand. Kratos is not pleased. image

SMIC's Profits Plunge: Boycott Chip Makers, Or Face My WRATH!

Fri 09 May, 2025 05:59
2 minutes to read

Despite economic headwinds and trade disputes, Pinterest defies expectations with rising shares and optimistic forecasts, proving there's always money to be made if you're sharp enough. Or lucky. image

Pinterest's Gamble Pays Off: A Shelby Company Take on Wall Street

Thu 08 May, 2025 21:16
3 minutes to read

Affirm's stock takes a tumble after a mixed earnings report and a less-than-stellar revenue forecast. Is this the end of 'buy now, pay later' or just a minor wardrobe malfunction? image

Affirm's 'Buy Now, Cry Later' Forecast: A Fashion Faux Pas or Just a Bad Hair Day?

Thu 08 May, 2025 21:29
3 minutes to read

Former Celsius CEO Alexander Mashinsky faces justice, joining a rogues' gallery of crypto execs, while the industry navigates a regulatory maze – a breakdown with a dash of Djoker flair. image

Crypto Winter is Coming! Celsius CEO Gets Served a 12-Year Sentence: A Djoker's Take

Thu 08 May, 2025 21:13
3 minutes to read

Data analytics firm Palantir surpasses Salesforce in market capitalization, fueled by government contracts and AI dominance, but is its valuation as inflated as a Xenomorph's ego? image

Palantir Joins Tech Elite: I See You, Salesforce (and Your Inferior Market Cap)!

Thu 08 May, 2025 20:17
2 minutes to read

Pinterest defies ad-pocalypse predictions with a surprise Q1 surge, leaving other tech giants sweating like facehugger victims. image

Pinterest's Profit Pin-Up: Surviving the Digital Xenomorphs!

Thu 08 May, 2025 20:09
3 minutes to read

Despite a better-than-expected profit report, Affirm's future revenue forecast disappoints analysts, causing a dip in the stock market, as the winds of economic uncertainty howl across the land. image

A Shadow of Doubt? Affirm's Forecast Fails to Charm, Shares Stumble!

Thu 08 May, 2025 20:21
3 minutes to read

Lyft boosts its share buyback program to $750 million, leading to a stock surge and whispers of financial Triforce mastery! image

Lyft's Rupees Rise: A Hyrulean Heroine's Take on the Ride-Sharing Realm!

Thu 08 May, 2025 20:23
3 minutes to read

Luffy here, reporting on Amazon's new service delivering pet prescriptions, promising quicker deliveries, and a fight against Chewy and Walmart for the 'Best Pet Care' title! image

Shishishi! Amazon's New Treasure: Pet Meds Delivered Faster Than Sanji Cooks!

Thu 08 May, 2025 18:17
2 minutes to read

Elizabeth Holmes' last-ditch effort for an appeal rehearing fails, leaving the Supreme Court as her only hope to avoid prison for Theranos fraud. image

Good News Everyone! Holmes' Appeal Rejected Again!

Thu 08 May, 2025 18:25
2 minutes to read