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Bitcoin surges amidst Middle East tensions and stock market highs, while Washington debates crypto regulations and Trump eyes digital asset expansion. image

Bitcoin Blasts Past 100K: Is This the Real Deal or Just Another Pump and Dump?

Wed 25 June, 2025 20:01
3 minutes to read

President Trump threatens Spain with a tough trade deal after their reluctance to meet NATO's defense spending target, stirring up international relations like a batch of questionable chili P. image

Trump to Spain: You mess with NATO, You Get Saul'd! Trade Deal Trouble Brewing!

Wed 25 June, 2025 18:42
3 minutes to read

Nvidia's stock hits a record high despite China challenges, proving American ingenuity is UNSTOPPABLE. image

Nvidia's HUGE Win: We're Making America Rich Again, Folks!

Wed 25 June, 2025 20:22
2 minutes to read

Vanguard's latest report shows Americans are saving more in their 401(k)s, but are we really ready for Judgment Day… I mean, retirement? image

Hasta la Vista, Baby… to Your Underfunded Retirement? Vanguard's 401(k) Report Reveals the Future (If You Can Afford It)

Wed 25 June, 2025 17:40
2 minutes to read

From defense contractors to dating apps, and solid state batteries, I, Tony Montana, break down the day's winners and losers with a little bit of… attitude. image

Say Hello to My Little Stock Gains! Tony Montana's Take on Today's Market Mayhem

Wed 25 June, 2025 17:01
1 minutes to read

Captain Jack Sparrow reports on the S&P 500's flirtation with all-time highs, questioning if this rally has enough wind in its sails to last or if it's just a deceiving mirage on the horizon. image

Shiver Me Timbers! S&P 500 Eyes Treasure, But Is This Gold or Fool's Gold?

Wed 25 June, 2025 17:49
2 minutes to read

BP stock experiences a wild ride amidst acquisition rumors involving Shell, only for Shell to deny any ongoing talks. Chuck Norris is here to break it down – roundhouse kick style. image

BP Trembles: Shell Acquisition Rumors Fuel Market Frenzy – But Chuck Norris Knows the Truth!

Wed 25 June, 2025 18:12
2 minutes to read

Retailers are speeding up processing returns to combat higher prices caused by tariffs, aiming to resell items quickly and boost revenue. It's like a second chance for that slightly used Slurm Loco! image

Good News, Everyone! Returns Are Back (and Faster Than Ever Thanks to Those Pesky Tariffs!)

Wed 25 June, 2025 18:07
3 minutes to read

Nvidia defies export restrictions to reach new heights, leaving us to question the very nature of reality... or at least, the stock market. image

Nvidia Ascends: Is This the Real World, or Just Another Simulation?

Wed 25 June, 2025 17:20
2 minutes to read

Intel (INTC) stock shows signs of life with a potential breakout, hinting at a possible rally after years of lagging behind the semiconductor sector. Time to reload! image

Intel's About to Get Some... Gains! (Yeah, I Said It)

Wed 25 June, 2025 17:53
1 minutes to read