Headlines

the latest news around the world

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The $TRUMP meme coin skyrockets after promising dinner with the former president, raising concerns about insider cashing in and the overall absurdity of the crypto market. image
Headlines

Another Day, Another Disaster! Trump Coin Holders Promised Dinner with the Beast!

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 21:05
  • 2 minutes to read
A satirical report on the recent surge in the $TRUMP meme coin, driven by the promise of dinner with Donald Trump, and its implications for the crypto market. image
Headlines

Trump Meme Coin Goes Galactic! Dinner with the Prez for Crypto Whales!?

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 21:05
  • 3 minutes to read
Southwest Airlines announces capacity reductions and strategic shifts in response to weak domestic bookings and economic headwinds. Is this the beginning of their own long defeat? image
Headlines

Fly, You Fools! Southwest Airlines Cuts Flights Amidst Economic Uncertainty!

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 21:56
  • 3 minutes to read
Gandalf the Grey reports on Southwest Airlines' struggles, capacity cuts, and desperate attempts to adapt to a changing economic landscape. Is this the end of free baggage? image
Headlines

A Shadow Looms Over Southwest! Will the Airline Survive the Economic Mines of Moria?

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 21:56
  • 3 minutes to read
President Trump considers exemptions for automakers from tariffs, sparking both hope and uncertainty in the industry, much like facing a Hinox without a sword. image
Headlines

Trump's Tariff Troubles! Is Hyrule's Auto Industry About to Crash?

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 21:29
  • 3 minutes to read
Alaska Airlines warns of softer travel demand impacting earnings in the second quarter, despite a strong first quarter performance. Is this a sign of economic trouble, or just a Koopa Troopa in the works? image
Headlines

Mama Mia! Alaska Airlines in a Nose Dive? Earnings Forecast Plummets!

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 21:40
  • 2 minutes to read
Alaska Airlines reports softer travel demand, forecasting lower-than-expected earnings for the second quarter. Is this the end of vacation?! image
Headlines

Mama Mia! Alaska Airlines in a Flight of Fear! Will They Crash and Burn?

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 21:40
  • 2 minutes to read
Chipotle faces unexpected challenges as consumer spending slows, weather turns foul, and even tariffs threaten the sacred guacamole. Can they recover their lost treasure? image
Headlines

Chipotle's Tomb Raider Moment?! Burrito Sales Plunge!

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 21:58
  • 3 minutes to read
Chipotle faces unexpected sales slump due to economic woes and weather, leading to revised growth forecasts. Even Lara Croft can't raid a good deal these days! image
Headlines

Chipotle's Tomb Raiding Days Are Over! Burrito Busts and Bowl Blunders!

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 21:58
  • 3 minutes to read
The FDA is planning to phase out petroleum-based food dyes, potentially changing the colors of our favorite snacks and drinks! Is this a treasure or just another boring island? image
Headlines

Skittles Gonna Be Boring Colors Soon?! Meat on the Bone!

  • Wed 23 April, 2025 19:19
  • 2 minutes to read

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