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Stark Analysis: Bristol Myers Squibb beats estimates and hikes guidance, but cost cuts and drug trial disappointments raise questions. Can they dodge Trump's tariffs and patent cliffs? image

Bristol Myers Squibb Stock SOARS! But Is It All Just Smoke and Mirrors?!

Thu 24 April, 2025 12:05
3 minutes to read

Drugmaker Bristol Myers Squibb exceeds expectations, hikes revenue forecast amidst cost-cutting measures and strategic shifts in a global market, including navigating trade tensions with China. image

Bristol-Myers Just Did WHAT?! You Won't Believe Their New Strategy!

Thu 24 April, 2025 12:05
3 minutes to read

Wall Street analysts are buzzing about ServiceNow's impressive first-quarter results, citing its resilience and potential for growth even in a shaky economy. Prepare for liftoff! image

Bears Beets Battlestar Galactica ServiceNow Stock Soars! Is This the End of the Downturn?

Thu 24 April, 2025 12:13
2 minutes to read

Wall Street analysts are drooling over ServiceNow's Q1 earnings, calling it a beacon of hope in a gloomy tech landscape. Could this be the empire business I've been looking for? image

ServiceNow Stock Soars! Is This the One Stock to Rule Them All?

Thu 24 April, 2025 12:13
2 minutes to read

A Quahog bachelor's take on the latest stock market shifts, from Comcast's customer woes to Hasbro's toy-tastic triumph. Giggity! image

Giggity! Stocks Doing the Horizontal Bop! Who's Up, Who's Down?

Thu 24 April, 2025 12:03
2 minutes to read

A whimsical (and slightly terrifying) look at today's premarket trading, featuring corporate earnings, tariff tantrums, and enough volatility to make even Brian seasick. image

Is Your Portfolio Toast?! Stocks Tumble and Soar Like a Diaper Full of Mercury!

Thu 24 April, 2025 12:03
3 minutes to read

Procter & Gamble reports mixed results, blaming tariffs and consumer jitters, hinting at future price hikes and a dimmer outlook. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Raising Prices! P&G's Gonna Make You Eat Dirt!

Thu 24 April, 2025 12:20
2 minutes to read

American Airlines retracts its 2025 financial forecast amidst economic uncertainty and a slump in leisure travel. What does this mean for the hunt? image

American Airlines Financial Guidance Terminated! Is the Economy Bleeding Out?!

Thu 24 April, 2025 12:06
2 minutes to read

American Airlines pulls financial forecast amidst economic uncertainty and a slump in leisure travel. Ripley investigates if this is just bad luck, or something far, far worse. image

American Airlines Ditching 2025 Guidance Are We All Gonna Die?!

Thu 24 April, 2025 12:06
3 minutes to read

Indonesia is scrambling to adjust its trade balance with the U.S. after tariffs, considering importing more U.S. goods and maintaining its currency stability. Looks like everyone wants a piece of the CR7 pie! image

Trump's Tariffs Have Indonesia Begging for My Soccer Skills! Is This The End?

Thu 24 April, 2025 08:57
2 minutes to read