Headlines

the latest news around the world

Showing 4231 to 4240 of 5471 news articles
Shrek reports on why even swamp-dwellers need to diversify their investments in these crazy times, finding that a mix of assets is better than just sticking to onions and mud. image
Headlines

What In Tarnation? Even Ogre's Gotta Diversify His Swamp Investments!

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 16:41
  • 3 minutes to read
Iron Man analyzes Bristol Myers Squibb's recent earnings beat, stock woes, and future prospects, offering a satirical and humorous perspective on the pharmaceutical giant's challenges and opportunities. image
Headlines

Bristol Myers Squibb's Wild Ride: Iron Man's Take on Profits, Patents, and Potential DOOM!

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 17:45
  • 3 minutes to read
Despite aggressive tariffs, Europe clings to transatlantic trust, hoping for a zero-for-zero deal and dodging economic stagnation, but is it just another Hunger Games? image
Headlines

Trump's Tariff Games: Is Europe Really Buying What He's Selling?

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 17:27
  • 3 minutes to read
Dwight Schrute analyzes Progressive Corp.'s stock trends, finding a predictable pattern ripe for investment, much like my beet farm yields consistent profits. image
Headlines

Bearish Momentum Divergence? False! Progressive Corp. is the Beet of the Stock Market!

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 17:23
  • 3 minutes to read
Walter White dissects the day's winners and losers, proving that even in the stock market, chemistry matters... and maybe a little bit of fear. image
Headlines

Stay Out of My Territory: Heisenberg's Take on Today's Market Mayhem

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 16:59
  • 2 minutes to read
Financial pros, athletes, and celebs duke it out in the 2025 CNBC Stock Draft, and some of these picks are hotter than my little black book! Giggity! image
Headlines

Giggity! Stock Draft Gets Wild with Celeb Picks: Walmart, Costco, and...Airbnb?

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 18:25
  • 2 minutes to read
Consumer giants like P&G and Chipotle whine about tariffs impacting profits, consumers get nervous, and I'm left wondering if I'll have to pay more for my evil schemes... I mean, morning tea. image
Headlines

Dagnabbit Tariffs! Consumer Companies Throw Tantrums, Blame Trump for Their Woes!

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 18:25
  • 3 minutes to read
Amazon and Nvidia bigwigs are saying the AI data center boom ain't slowing down, despite what those stupid Wall Street nerds think. More power, more AI, respect my authoritah! image
Headlines

Screw You Guys, I'm Powering AI! Amazon and Nvidia Say It's Full Steam Ahead!

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 17:54
  • 2 minutes to read
Tesla's earnings take a dive amid political backlash, but Elon's trying to
Headlines

Tesla's Q1 2025 Earnings: Oof, Even My Donos Are Doing Better!

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 14:36
  • 3 minutes to read
Tesla faces revenue and income decline amid CEO Elon Musk's political involvement, but a shift in focus signals potential recovery and investors are feeling cautiously optimistic. image
Headlines

Tesla Takes a Tumble, But Is Elon's 'DOGE' Days Numbered? A King Kohli Take

  • Thu 24 April, 2025 14:36
  • 3 minutes to read

All Rights Reserved © 2023