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Elon Musk claims $160 billion in savings from his federal workforce cuts, but let's be real, that's like, a week's worth of Kylie's lip kits. image

Elon's DOGE Savings? Honey, I've Spent More on Skims!

Wed 30 April, 2025 18:05
3 minutes to read

Nvidia's CEO Jensen Huang highlights China's rapid AI advancement and the need for a competitive US AI policy, amid trade tensions and export restrictions. image

Jensen's China Revelation: Huawei is Formidable and US AI Policy Needs a Reboot!

Wed 30 April, 2025 17:48
2 minutes to read

Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang says China is catching up fast in AI, praises Huawei's tech prowess, and urges the U.S. to focus on competitiveness over restrictions. Sounds like someone's thinking about Mars colonization, but for AI chips. image

Jensen's China Take: AI Race is On, and Huawei Ain't No Joke!

Wed 30 April, 2025 17:48
2 minutes to read

Geralt of Rivia reports on GE HealthCare's surprising Q1 success, overshadowed by a slashed annual forecast due to Trump's tariff policies. Can they survive this monster contract? image

Toss a Coin to Your Health...Care Provider? GE HealthCare's Gamble with Trump's Tariffs

Wed 30 April, 2025 14:43
3 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns analyzes Zoom's stock recovery, AI integration, and undervalued status, seeing it as a prime chance for profit. Release the hounds... on these shares! image

Excellent! Zoom Stock: A Golden Opportunity for Capitalistic Exploitation, Smithers!

Wed 30 April, 2025 15:39
2 minutes to read

Even with Trump's tariff-palooza, Dollar General's stock is doing better than Milhouse at tetherball, while Walmart's flexing its digital muscles, leaving everyone else eating its dust. image

Eat My Shorts, Economy! Dollar General's Stock is Suddenly Not Lousy!

Wed 30 April, 2025 14:39
3 minutes to read

Austin Powers reports on the groovy new Series I bond rates, breaking down the inflation-tied interest and what it means for your mojo, baby! image

Yeah Baby! I Bonds Get a Little Bit Shagadelic with New Rates!

Wed 30 April, 2025 14:32
2 minutes to read

Meta's earnings report is comin' up, and folks are wonderin' if Trump's tariffs on China are gonna harsh their mellow, especially when it comes to online ads. image

Aw, Snap! Will Trump's Tariffs Mess with Meta's Money? Chill, This Ain't Bel-Air Drama...Yet!

Wed 30 April, 2025 16:00
3 minutes to read

Puss in Boots reports on how Trump's tariffs might leave Meta with less 'oro' (gold) in its coffers, as Chinese ad spending shrinks faster than a gingerbread man in hot queso! image

Ay, Caramba! Will Trump's Tariffs Claw at Meta's Treasure?

Wed 30 April, 2025 16:00
2 minutes to read

Donkey here, breakin' down Microsoft's quarterly report – slower growth, AI gambles, and tariff troubles! Sounds like someone needs a hug... or maybe just a bigger stack of waffles! image

Microsoft's Money Tree: Will It Still Grow Like a Weed?

Wed 30 April, 2025 16:00
2 minutes to read