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Elizabeth Holmes' bid for a fraud conviction rehearing gets axed, leaving her with the Supreme Court as her last hope. Looks like the Doggfather might be rollin' up to the big house! image
Headlines

Fo Shizzle, My Nizzle, Holmes Appeal Denied! No More Blood Money?

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 18:25
  • 2 minutes to read
A volatile day on Wall Street sees some stocks soaring like a Huey, while others crash and burn like a Cobra under heavy fire. From tech triumphs to pharmaceutical fallouts, it's a battlefield out there. image
Headlines

Trading Jungle: AppLovin' Wins, Steel Bleeds, and Trump's Drug Price Ambush!

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 16:30
  • 2 minutes to read
Donald Trump, after his recent aspiration to be Pope, congratulates Robert Francis Prevost, the first American-born Pope, despite past criticisms. image
Headlines

Rrrright... Trump Congratulates New Pope Leo XIV: An American...Finally!

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 18:19
  • 3 minutes to read
In a stunning turn of events, Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost of Chicago has been elected Pope, marking a historic moment for the Catholic Church. image
Headlines

One Shall Stand, One Shall Pope! American Cardinal Crowned as Leo XIV!

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 18:26
  • 3 minutes to read
Retail investors are all shook up, ditching Apple while going wild for Nvidia and Tesla, despite some bumpy rides. image
Headlines

Yeah, Baby! Retail Investors Go Groovy for Nvidia and Tesla, But Apple Gets the Cold Shoulder!

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 14:06
  • 2 minutes to read
A recap of Jim Cramer's Investing Club Morning Meeting, with insights on trade deals, tech rivalries, and Costco's unstoppable sales. image
Headlines

Yo, Check It! Trump Drops Trade Deal, While Apple & Google Battle for Search Supremacy!

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 16:01
  • 3 minutes to read
Puss in Boots reports on how Tapestry, owner of Coach, is dodging tariffs and filling its coffers with gold, while others in the luxury jungle are feeling a bit...under the weather. image
Headlines

Holy Guacamole! Coach Bags are Making More Gold than my Buried Treasure!

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 15:28
  • 3 minutes to read
Donkey here, breaking down the OPEC+ oil drama, Saudi smackdowns, and what it means for your swamp scooter gas money! It's gonna be a long ride, folks! image
Headlines

OPEC+ in a Donkey-Sized Oil Price War: Is This Thing On?!

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 16:06
  • 3 minutes to read
Bill Gates vows to give away nearly all his wealth, slamming Elon Musk for slashing aid and basically killing poor kids. Looks like someone needs a Bender-style attitude adjustment! image
Headlines

Bite My Shiny Metal Assets! Gates Plans to Dump His Cash While Musk Plays Scrooge McDuck

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 14:04
  • 2 minutes to read
Coinbase casts a powerful spell, acquiring Deribit for $2.9 billion in a deal that promises to reshape the global crypto derivatives market. A truly historic event! image
Headlines

By George, Coinbase Conjures a Crypto Colossus! A Magical Merger with Deribit

  • Thu 08 May, 2025 15:18
  • 3 minutes to read

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