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A whirlwind of market movements sees Hertz rising from the ashes like a vengeful specter, while UnitedHealth takes a brutal spear to the chest. Eli Lilly offers a potion of hope, and Taiwan Semiconductor stands firm against the winds of trade. D.R. Horton and Alcoa feel the sting of defeat. image

Hertz Soars While UnitedHealth Plunges What Sorcery is This?!

Thu 17 April, 2025 12:13
2 minutes to read

Turkey's Central Bank unexpectedly hikes interest rates to combat inflation amidst economic and political turmoil, surprising markets and signaling a shift in monetary policy. image

Turkey Shocks the World! Did They Just Pull a Jackie Chan Move on Inflation?!

Thu 17 April, 2025 12:07
3 minutes to read

Democratic lawmakers are raising concerns about potential corruption and self-dealing in the Trump administration's tariff policies, suspecting favors for friends and insider trading. image

Allllllrighty Then! Is Trump Turning Tariffs Into a Big Fat Payoff?!

Thu 17 April, 2025 11:42
2 minutes to read

Mr. Bean tackles Wall Street, offering his unique (and slightly baffling) perspective on the latest stock upgrades, downgrades, and potential tax credit chaos. image

Teddy's Tumbles and Stocks Soar! What's Bean Got to Do With It?!

Thu 17 April, 2025 12:19
2 minutes to read

Eli Lilly's orforglipron shows promise in treating obesity and diabetes, but will this convenience come at a cost? Sarah Connor investigates. image

Eli Lilly's New Weight Loss Pill: Are We One Step Closer to Judgment Day?

Thu 17 April, 2025 11:53
3 minutes to read

Target CEO Brian Cornell is meeting with Rev. Al Sharpton after facing boycott threats over walking back DEI programs, leading to a significant drop in foot traffic. Will Target cave or stand its ground? image

Target's DEI Disaster: Al Sharpton to the Rescue or Just Another Shakedown?!

Thu 17 April, 2025 11:09
4 minutes to read

Captain Jack Sparrow reports on the high seas drama as Trump sets his sights on the Federal Reserve, demanding lower rates and hinting at the 'termination' of Chair Jerome Powell. Savvy? image

Jerome Powell Walking the Plank! Will Trump Seize the Fed's Treasure?!

Thu 17 April, 2025 12:16
3 minutes to read

A comprehensive and humorous look at the best tax software options to help you file your taxes with ease, accuracy, and maybe even a little bit of joy, written from the perspective of the world's number one tennis player. image

Serve Up Savings! The Definitive Guide to Ace Your Taxes Like Djokovic Aces a Grand Slam!

Wed 16 April, 2025 20:59
3 minutes to read

UnitedHealth Group slashes its profit forecast due to high medical costs, sending ripples through the health insurance sector. Is this the 'Quantico' level plot twist we didn't see coming? image

OMG! UnitedHealth Group's Profit Plunge Leaves Me Shook! What's Going On?

Thu 17 April, 2025 10:09
2 minutes to read

KeyBanc downgrades Microsoft citing concerns over cloud demand, AI spending, and the overall economic climate. Is this the way? image

Microsoft Stock Downgraded! Is the AI Dream Officially Dead?!

Thu 17 April, 2025 10:05
2 minutes to read