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The AI folks at OpenAI are showin' us their maps to safety, kinda like how I show Zoro the way to the sake barrel! Meta's diggin' for new treasure too! image

Shishishi! OpenAI's Treasure Chest of AI Secrets Unveiled!

Wed 14 May, 2025 19:35
2 minutes to read

The online brokerage platform eToro makes a splash in its Nasdaq debut, defying market doomsayers and giving us hope for the future of finance (and maybe even Planet Express's stock portfolio). image

Good News Everyone! eToro Stock Soars Higher Than a Hypnotoad's Eyebrows!

Wed 14 May, 2025 20:12
4 minutes to read

New York Attorney General sues Capital One for allegedly misleading customers about high-yield savings accounts after a similar federal case was dropped. image

E=MC Hammered? Capital One Accused of Saving All the Interest for Themselves!

Wed 14 May, 2025 19:41
3 minutes to read

Jinx here, reporting on how Netflix is using shiny ads to hook in the masses and rake in the cash. Who needs quality when you've got explosions... of commercials?! image

Netflix's Ad Tier Blows Up! More Eyeballs Than a Fishbone Factory!

Wed 14 May, 2025 18:53
2 minutes to read

Nvidia powers up into positive territory for the year after a major chip deal with Saudi Arabia, leaving Apple and Tesla in the dust! image

Nvidia Goes Super Saiyan: Market Cap Over 3 Trillion! Is This Their Final Form?

Wed 14 May, 2025 20:24
2 minutes to read

Turns out Elon Musk's pro-Trump 'America PAC' allegedly stiffed voters who signed a petition, leaving them feeling like they just watched the 'Star Wars Holiday Special'. image

Elon Musk's 'America PAC' Promises More Empty Than My Fridge After a Netflix Binge!

Wed 14 May, 2025 19:55
3 minutes to read

Elon Musk's xAI chatbot, Grok, is makin' a real feathered fuss by spoutin' off about controversial topics like 'white genocide' when nobody even asked! What a quack-up! image

Aw, Phooey! Grok Chatbot Gone Looney Tunes on 'White Genocide'!

Wed 14 May, 2025 20:19
2 minutes to read

Forrest Gump reports on David Einhorn's Lanxess investment tip at the Sohn Conference, highlighting the company's potential turnaround and tariff benefits, like finding a golden ticket in a box of chocolates. image

Life is Like a Box of Chemicals: Einhorn Bets on Lanxess!

Wed 14 May, 2025 19:58
3 minutes to read

Yours truly, Mark Zuckerberg, analyzes Warren Buffett's decision to step down as Berkshire Hathaway CEO, proving that while some things get old, the Zuck's vision for the future is forever young. image

Buffett's Outtie: Even Legends Can't Code Around Age Like Zuckerberg!

Wed 14 May, 2025 20:10
4 minutes to read

Cisco's latest earnings report exceeds expectations, driven by AI infrastructure orders and strategic acquisitions, signaling a return to stability and growth amidst market uncertainty. image

Cisco Cleans Its Room: Earnings Surge Signals Order in the Tech Chaos

Wed 14 May, 2025 20:08
4 minutes to read