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SoFi is planning to bring back cryptocurrency investing after a regulatory shift, and Hulk has opinions about it. image

HULK SMASH CRYPTO AGAIN! SoFi to Re-Enter Crypto Arena, Hulk Want In!

Tue 29 April, 2025 12:03
2 minutes to read

Pfizer reports better-than-expected profits despite sales drop, blaming it on less people catching the 'rona and announces big cost-cutting plans, making Borat wonder if they need a good potato farmer. image

Pfizer Make Like Kazakhstan: Cutting Costs Like I Cut My Neighbor's Wifi!

Tue 29 April, 2025 11:51
2 minutes to read

Your favorite dimension-hopping grandpa breaks down the latest stock market shenanigans with a healthy dose of cynicism and a portal gun's worth of financial insight. Spoiler alert: nobody knows what they're doing. image

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub! Rick's Guide to Wall Street's Wildest Calls (May 1st, 2024)

Tue 29 April, 2025 12:09
3 minutes to read

UPS slashes jobs and facilities amid economic uncertainty and Amazon slowdown, but Wall Street is still saying, 'I'll be back!' image

UPS Terminates 20,000 Jobs: No Shipping, No Problem, Hasta La Vista, Baby!

Tue 29 April, 2025 12:15
3 minutes to read

Rocky Balboa reports on Coca-Cola's surprising earnings victory, proving they're still champ despite trade wars and Pepsi's stumble. image

Coca-Cola KO's Wall Street Expectations: Like a Punch to the Gut!

Tue 29 April, 2025 11:35
3 minutes to read

Novo Nordisk partners with telehealth giants to make Wegovy more accessible, but will it actually help people or just line the pockets of big pharma and tech companies? image

WEGOVY GOES VIRTUAL: IS THIS THE FUTURE OR JUST ANOTHER LEVEL 90 MARKETING GIMMICK?

Tue 29 April, 2025 12:22
3 minutes to read

General Motors navigates tariff turmoil and industry instability, reassessing financial forecasts and pausing stock buybacks. It's like giving away a million dollars... but then realizing you might need it later! image

GM's Wild Ride: Tariffs, Trump, and a Whole Lotta Uncertainty!

Tue 29 April, 2025 11:58
2 minutes to read

Goku reports on the turbulence caused by Trump's policies in Europe, leaving leaders scrambling and economies wobbling. Can Europe handle this Kamehameha of uncertainty? image

Trump's First 100 Days: Chaos in Europe?! Time to Power Up!

Tue 29 April, 2025 09:27
2 minutes to read

NXP's CEO is ditching us like Lois ditches my driving, but hey, at least they made some money... kind of. image

Freakin' Sweet Chip CEO Steps Down! Is This the End of the World (Again)?

Mon 28 April, 2025 22:04
2 minutes to read

Donald Duck reports on Domino's Pizza's mixed quarter, market share win, and plans to partner with DoorDash, all while tryin' to figure out if they deliver to Duckburg! image

Aw, Phooey! Domino's CEO Says Pizza's Still Cookin' Despite a Little Hiccup!

Mon 28 April, 2025 23:56
2 minutes to read