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Mike Novogratz's crypto firm Galaxy Digital begins trading on Nasdaq after a four-year regulatory battle, betting big on crypto and AI growth. image

Galaxy Digital Finally Hits Nasdaq: Is This the 'Tendies' We've Been Waiting For?

Fri 16 May, 2025 16:52
3 minutes to read

Chipotle's financial guru joins Tesla's board as the electric car company faces sales slump and Elon's divided attention. Can he bring the heat? image

Tesla Hires Chipotle CFO: Will Burritos Save Elon's EV Empire?

Fri 16 May, 2025 18:00
3 minutes to read

After a tariff-induced tumble, the S&P 500 has defied expectations and clawed its way back into positive territory for the year, leaving YoRHa unit 2B both impressed and slightly confused. image

Glory to Mankind (and Markets)! S&P 500 Stages a Comeback!

Fri 16 May, 2025 17:13
3 minutes to read

Naruto Uzumaki reports on Verizon's acquisition of Frontier, complete with a DEI policy swap and enough fiber optics to power a Rasengan! image

Believe It! Verizon Ditches DEI to Nab Frontier in $20 Billion Deal!

Fri 16 May, 2025 17:14
3 minutes to read

Trump's tariff pause triggers a shipping frenzy, potentially leading to clogged ports and higher costs. Will this affect my ability to get you guys your limited-edition hoodies? image

Trump's Tariff Tango: Will My Merch Get Stuck in Port Purgatory?!

Fri 16 May, 2025 16:30
3 minutes to read

Economists are raising concerns about the potential impact of resumed student loan repayments on consumer spending, particularly for low-income Americans, as the Department of Education cracks down on defaulted loans. image

Wall Street's Bouncer: Student Loan Repayments Threaten to Stump Consumer Spending!

Fri 16 May, 2025 14:27
4 minutes to read

Cristiano Ronaldo analyzes the recent

Siuuu! Volatility Crushed, But Is the Market Ready for My Comeback?

Fri 16 May, 2025 17:00
3 minutes to read

Looks like Boeing might just dribble past a trial in the 737 Max case with a new deal, leaving families waiting for justice… or at least a decent payout. image

Boeing's 'Hand of God' Deal: Avoiding Jail Time Like Avoiding Defenders!

Fri 16 May, 2025 18:23
2 minutes to read

Luffy reports on today's market rollercoaster: some companies found treasure, others got lost at sea! Featuring semiconductors, video games, power plants, and...burritos? image

SHISHISHI! Stocks Up, Stocks Down! It's Like a Treasure Hunt...But with Numbers!

Fri 16 May, 2025 17:20
2 minutes to read

Apple's payment systems experienced widespread outages, causing frustration among users. I warned you about the dangers of future tech! image

Good News Everyone! Apple Pay Goes Kaput, Leaving Users in the Lurch!

Fri 16 May, 2025 18:20
2 minutes to read