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A witch's whirlwind tour through today's Muggle market movers, from surging tech stocks to tumbling whisky titans. Prepare for unexpected twists and turns! image

Muggle Market Mayhem: Earnings, Tariffs, and a Dash of Divination!

Thu 05 June, 2025 16:28
2 minutes to read

Amidst trade tensions, a global shortage of rare earth exports threatens car production, leaving industries in a 'Blank Space' of uncertainty. Will the U.S. and China find a 'Love Story' solution, or are we headed for 'Bad Blood'? image

Rare Earth Rumble! Is China About to 'Shake It Off' Our Supply Chains?

Fri 06 June, 2025 07:28
2 minutes to read

Britney breaks down how the new House bill could leave millions uninsured, and why it's totally not 'Stronger Than Yesterday'. image

Oops!...They Did It Again: Congress Threatens My Right to Healthcare...Again!

Fri 06 June, 2025 14:58
3 minutes to read

Your friendly neighborhood Superman reports on the wild ride that is premarket trading, featuring Tesla's sparks, Lululemon's stumble, and a few unexpected heroes. image

Up, Up, and Away... with the Stock Market Rollercoaster!

Fri 06 June, 2025 14:41
2 minutes to read

Switzerland proposes new capital rules for UBS after the Credit Suisse takeover, requiring an additional $26 billion in core capital. MJ weighs in on whether this is a foul or a strategic play. image

UBS Slam Dunked! Switzerland Demands $26 Billion – Is This Game Over?

Fri 06 June, 2025 16:11
3 minutes to read

Dom Toretto breaks down the stock market's wild ride, from Tesla's feud-fueled frenzy to Petco's unexpected pit stop, all while keeping family values at the forefront. image

Family, Fast Cars, and Finances: Dom Toretto's Take on Today's Market Mayhem

Fri 06 June, 2025 16:29
3 minutes to read

An ogre's take on how China's electric car market is heating up with a fierce price war, leaving companies battling for survival like donkeys chasing dragons. image

Somebody Once Told Me, China's Electric Car Market is a Price War Swamp!

Sun 08 June, 2025 11:04
4 minutes to read

Morpheus deciphers today's market movements: CrowdStrike's revenue miss, Dollar Tree's tariff woes, Tesla's European blues, and other economic anomalies within the simulated world. image

Reality Check: Red Pills and Rollercoasters in the Stock Market Matrix

Wed 04 June, 2025 16:32
3 minutes to read

A look at the ongoing tariff saga, potential impacts on consumers, and whether we can finally afford that new Audi. image

Trump's Tariff Troubles: Will Your Wallet Feel the Hit? (Spoiler: Maybe a Little)

Fri 30 May, 2025 09:15
3 minutes to read

Cristiano Ronaldo breaks down the latest stock market headlines with his signature flair, offering insights (and maybe a little self-admiration) on the winners and losers. image

Siuuu-per Stocks: Ronaldo's Take on Today's Market Moves!

Fri 30 May, 2025 12:53
2 minutes to read