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Showing 161 to 170 of 338 news articles

Standard Chartered's first-quarter profits are up, and I want a piece of the action! They're swimming in cash from wealth management and global markets, while all I got is this stupid Kenny... image

Screw You Guys, I'm Making Bank! Standard Chartered is Totally Raking it In!

Fri 02 May, 2025 06:27
2 minutes to read

Shell's first-quarter profits take a dive, but the hunt for shareholder satisfaction continues with a $3.5 billion buyback. Is this 'stick around'? image

Shell's Profit Plunge: Another Solid Set of...Prey?

Fri 02 May, 2025 06:22
3 minutes to read

Standard Chartered Bank blasts past first-quarter profit expectations, fueled by wealth management and global markets. Can they handle the cosmic rays of Trump's tariffs? image

Standard Chartered's Profit Soars Higher, Further, Faster! (And No, I Didn't Invest)

Fri 02 May, 2025 04:27
2 minutes to read

Luffy reports on Venmo's surprising growth while Cash App struggles to find its treasure, leaving even the Pirate King wondering what's going on! image

Shishishi! Venmo's Got the Meat on the Bone! Cash App Lost in the Grand Line?

Fri 02 May, 2025 00:27
3 minutes to read

Apple's latest earnings report reveals a mixed bag: iPhone sales beat expectations, China held steady, but a minor service revenue miss sent the stock tumbling faster than Nibbler falling into a dark matter infested toilet. image

Good News Everyone! Apple Sort Of Did Okay (But Don't Get Your Hopes Up)

Fri 02 May, 2025 00:43
2 minutes to read

Homer Simpson reports on Amazon's mixed quarterly results, cloud business, and future projections, all while craving donuts. image

DOH! Amazon's Numbers Go Up...Then Down? What's a Guy to Do?

Thu 01 May, 2025 23:25
2 minutes to read

Amazon beats earnings estimates but faces tariff headwinds and uncertain forecasts. Could this be a job for a criminal lawyer? image

Amazon's Q1 Victory, Trump's Tariff Tango: Is Bezos Gonna Need Saul Goodman?

Thu 01 May, 2025 22:22
2 minutes to read

Block's Q1 results miss expectations, stock takes a dive, and everyone's blaming the best President in history, me! image

Block's Bogus Numbers: Another Fake News Story!

Thu 01 May, 2025 21:59
2 minutes to read

Microsoft's stock soars as Azure's AI-powered growth beats expectations, proving that even in tech, a little bit of fabulous can go a long way. image

Microsoft's Cloud Nine: AI is the New Manolo Blahnik?

Thu 01 May, 2025 20:04
3 minutes to read

Amazon reports strong Q1 results but provides cautious guidance for the future, leaving Wall Street in a state of 'flexible' anticipation. image

Amazon's Earnings: A Slice of Humble Pie or a Gluten-Free Victory?

Thu 01 May, 2025 20:26
2 minutes to read