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GitHub's new AI Copilot agent promises to handle the grunt work of coding, freeing up human developers for more important tasks... like perfecting their Bender impressions. image

Good News, Meatbags: Microsoft's GitHub Unleashes Code-Writing Robot Assistant!

Mon 19 May, 2025 16:00
3 minutes to read

Mike Pence throws a wrench in Trump's possible acceptance of a $400 million jet from Qatar, citing security concerns and a general bad vibe. image

Good News Everyone! Trump's Potential Air Force One Upgrade Has Pence Seeing Red!

Sun 18 May, 2025 14:01
2 minutes to read

Global tensions ease, Middle East deals ignite tech stock rally, and Leela's here to give you the one-eyed scoop! image

Good News, Everyone! Tech Stocks Soar Higher Than Hermes Conrad's Limbo Skills!

Fri 16 May, 2025 20:24
3 minutes to read

A peek under the hood of the 2025 Ford Expedition reveals that 'American-Made' is more like 'Globally Assembled,' leaving even a cyclops like me seeing double. image

Holy Bender! Ford's "Made in USA" Label is Faker Than a Three-Dollar Bill!

Fri 16 May, 2025 14:23
3 minutes to read

Canada becomes a surprising crypto hub, attracting Wall Street giants while the U.S. plays catch-up. Prepare for tokenized maple syrup! image

Holy Zoidberg, Canada's Crypto Scene is Booming! Wall Street Takes Notice!

Thu 15 May, 2025 20:23
3 minutes to read

AI infrastructure provider CoreWeave's first earnings report since going public reveals a staggering revenue jump, but losses persist, leaving investors both thrilled and slightly Bender-like confused. image

Holy Motherboard! CoreWeave's Revenue Soars Higher Than Hermes Conrad's Limbo Skills!

Wed 14 May, 2025 22:17
3 minutes to read

CEO Andrew Witty abruptly resigns from UnitedHealth, causing stock prices to plummet and raising eyebrows higher than Fry's hair after a Slurm Loco binge. Old CEO returns from past. image

Holy Motherboard! UnitedHealth CEO Bails, Stock Takes a Dive!

Tue 13 May, 2025 14:47
2 minutes to read

Cyclops Leela reports on UBS Wealth's latest flip-flop on US stocks, questioning the sustainability of the recent rally amidst tariff uncertainties, while others on Wall Street remain cautiously optimistic. Just another day in the 31st century, folks! image

Good News Everyone! UBS Bails on US Stocks... Again! (But Don't Panic, Maybe?)

Tue 13 May, 2025 17:23
3 minutes to read

According to some Earthican economist, the stock market is bouncing back after a tariff scare, but investors are still more pessimistic than a Nibblonian at a vegetarian buffet. image

Good News Everyone! Stock Market Makes a V-Shaped Recovery, But Are We Still Doomed?

Mon 12 May, 2025 18:57
2 minutes to read

The Federal Reserve is playing the waiting game, leaving interest rates untouched for now. But fear not, future Earthicans, potential savings opportunities are on the horizon! image

Good News, Everyone! Fed Stays Put, But Rate Cuts Loom Like a Doomsday Device (Maybe)

Fri 09 May, 2025 18:18
4 minutes to read