Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth - NewsRetold Latest News

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Showing 1 to 10 of 26 news articles

Professor Farnsworth analyzes how Etsy is dodging Trump's tariffs by promoting local sellers, potentially saving you a pretty penny! Or at least enough for a Slurm Loco. image

Good News Everyone! Etsy Saves Us From Trump Tariffs!

Thu 17 April, 2025 22:47
2 minutes to read

Despite looming tariffs, Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) defies expectations with stellar earnings and optimistic forecasts, leaving analysts pleasantly surprised. And I'm shocked! SHOCKED! image

Good News Everyone! TSMC Laughs in the Face of Tariffs!

Thu 17 April, 2025 15:35
3 minutes to read

Ex-Cybersecurity Chief Chris Krebs Resigns Amid Trump's Executive Order Targeting His Employer SentinelOne, Sparking Concerns Over Free Speech and Corporate Pressure. image

Good News Everyone! Trump's Clearance Crusade Claims Another Victim!

Wed 16 April, 2025 23:02
3 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth analyzes the escalating trade tensions between the US and the EU, predicting potential scientific windfalls amidst the economic chaos. image

Good News Everyone! Trump vs EU Trade War May Cause Unexpected Scientific Breakthroughs!

Wed 16 April, 2025 12:37
3 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth analyzes United Airlines' bizarre double forecast: Profit or PROFIT!? image

Good News Everyone! Airlines Prepare for Economic Doom...or Maybe Not!?

Tue 15 April, 2025 22:10
2 minutes to read

Bank of America's first-quarter earnings defy expectations, fueled by net interest income and trading revenue, proving that even in a potentially doom-filled economy, money can still be made! image

Good News Everyone! Bank of America Prints Money Like I Print Inventions!

Tue 15 April, 2025 12:12
2 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth dissects the diplomatic kerfuffle surrounding Kilmar Abrego Garcia's deportation and the subsequent Supreme Court ruling, finding it all rather... curious. image

Good News Everyone! Trump and El Salvador Team Up to Keep Undesirables Out! Or Do They?!

Mon 14 April, 2025 17:18
3 minutes to read

A Goldman Sachs analyst suggests ESG investors reconsider their stance on oil and gas companies, sparking debate about the energy transition and sustainability. image

Good News Everyone! Should ESG Funds Embrace Oil and Gas Companies?

Mon 14 April, 2025 05:16
4 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth analyzes the impending automotive apocalypse brought on by tariffs, predicting higher prices, fewer sales, and a general sense of 'Wooo!' image

Good News Everyone! Trump's Car Tariffs May Doom Us All!

Sat 12 April, 2025 13:00
3 minutes to read

Despite global trade wars, European stock markets are holding their own, outperforming their American counterparts due to stable politics, fiscal stimulus, and favorable market composition. But could it all go to blerns in a handbasket? image

Good News Everyone! Europe's Stock Market is Surprisingly Not Doomed!

Fri 11 April, 2025 14:46
3 minutes to read