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Professor Farnsworth dissects Nvidia's latest move to dominate the AI landscape with NVLink Fusion, questioning its potential benefits and catastrophic risks. image

Good News Everyone! Nvidia's NVLink Fusion: A Daring Leap or a Horrifying Mistake?

Mon 19 May, 2025 10:04
3 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth dissects the latest dust-up between Trump and Walmart over tariff-induced price hikes, with a healthy dose of senile commentary. image

Good News Everyone! Trump and Walmart Engage in a Tariff Tango!

Sat 17 May, 2025 16:19
2 minutes to read

Apple's payment systems experienced widespread outages, causing frustration among users. I warned you about the dangers of future tech! image

Good News Everyone! Apple Pay Goes Kaput, Leaving Users in the Lurch!

Fri 16 May, 2025 18:20
2 minutes to read

Cartier's parent company, Richemont, sees sales surge as the wealthy continue to spend, proving that even in uncertain times, a diamond is forever (and apparently recession-proof). image

Good News Everyone! Richemont Defies Gravity (and Economic Doom!) With Sparkling Sales

Fri 16 May, 2025 08:24
2 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth dissects HCA Healthcare's recent stock surge amidst a struggling healthcare sector, finding potential for gains despite regulatory doom and gloom. To shreds, you say? image

Good News Everyone! Healthcare Stock HCA Defies Gravity (and Common Sense!)

Thu 15 May, 2025 18:01
3 minutes to read

Alibaba's recent earnings report reveals a mixed bag: revenue up, profits down, and AI ambitions soaring amidst a Chinese tech showdown. Prepare for unpredictable stock prices! image

Good News Everyone! Alibaba's Stock Takes a Tumble, But Cloud Computing Rises Like a Phoenix (Sort Of)

Thu 15 May, 2025 10:14
3 minutes to read

The online brokerage platform eToro makes a splash in its Nasdaq debut, defying market doomsayers and giving us hope for the future of finance (and maybe even Planet Express's stock portfolio). image

Good News Everyone! eToro Stock Soars Higher Than a Hypnotoad's Eyebrows!

Wed 14 May, 2025 20:12
4 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth reports on the EU's latest plans for sanctions against Russia, potential peace talks, and the ever-present threat of Hungarian vetoes. Wernstrom! image

Good News Everyone! EU Mulls More Sanctions on Russia, Considers Outsmarting Hungary!

Tue 13 May, 2025 12:09
2 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth reports on the temporary U.S.-China tariff cuts, their impact on Christmas presents, and the ever-present threat of economic doom. Wernstrom! image

Good News Everyone! Christmas Saved (Maybe) Thanks to Temporary Tariff Cuts!

Tue 13 May, 2025 04:51
3 minutes to read

President Trump's potential acceptance of a luxury jet from Qatar raises eyebrows and legal questions, sparking debate about foreign influence and ethical boundaries. To shreds you say? image

Good News Everyone! Trump Eyes Qatari Jumbo Jet: A Gift or a Gimmick?

Mon 12 May, 2025 15:45
3 minutes to read