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Showing 31 to 40 of 89 news articles

A rare 1999 platinum Rolex Daytona, shrouded in mystery and dripping with diamonds, is set to fetch millions at auction, proving that time truly is money... especially mine. image

Excellent! Burns's Guide to Extravagance: A Rolex Fit for a Billionaire (Or Me!)

Sat 10 May, 2025 12:00
2 minutes to read

Small business owners are increasingly pessimistic about the economy due to proposed tariffs and the potential for a recession, with many disapproving of President Trump's handling of the situation. image

Excellent...NOT! Small Businesses Suffer Under Trump Tariffs, A Recession Looms!

Fri 09 May, 2025 14:28
2 minutes to read

Burns analyses China's export surge amid US trade tensions, finding potential profits and gloating over America's woes. image

Excellent! China's Exports Surge as America Crumbles (Good!)

Fri 09 May, 2025 04:22
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns reacts to Andrew Bailey's warning of U.K. economic uncertainty, seeing opportunity amidst the chaos. image

Bah! Economic Uncertainty? Excellent News For This Plutocrat!

Thu 08 May, 2025 15:30
3 minutes to read

Mr. Burns analyzes the EU's plan to ditch Russian energy, foreseeing profit and potential for world domination, while lamenting the whininess of Eastern European nations. image

Excellent! EU's Energy Independence From Russia Will Line My Pockets

Thu 08 May, 2025 06:05
2 minutes to read

Democrats are turning up the heat on Donald Trump's cryptocurrency ventures, questioning potential conflicts of interest and calling for investigations into his family's digital asset dealings. A critical vote on stablecoin regulation hangs in the balance, testing the crypto lobby's influence. image

Excellent! Trump's Crypto Capers: A Burnsian Analysis of Washington's Woes

Wed 07 May, 2025 17:41
3 minutes to read

Mr. Burns examines AMD's Q1 triumph amidst AI chip export woes, tut-tutting all the way. image

Excellent! AMD's Profits Soar, But Those Pesky Export Controls!

Tue 06 May, 2025 22:02
2 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns weighs in on Jensen Huang's plans for Nvidia in China, and how it will benefit him, er, the American economy! image

Excellent! Nvidia CEO's AI Scheme to Fleece China…and America!

Tue 06 May, 2025 19:23
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns reviews Ferrari's Q1 profits, warns of Trump's tariff treachery, and plots to acquire the company for a song. Smithers, get me my checkbook and a yacht! image

Excellent!

Tue 06 May, 2025 11:45
3 minutes to read

Mr. Burns analyzes Trump's proposed 100% tariff on foreign films, seeing a golden opportunity to exploit Hollywood's woes and expand his empire, while taking potshots at incompetent governors and those pesky unions. image

Excellent! Trump's Tariff Plan To Make Hollywood Great Again...Or Mine!

Mon 05 May, 2025 20:15
3 minutes to read