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Showing 21 to 30 of 136 news articles

Wall Street doesn't give a crap about the US bombing Iran, says some financial dude. Oil prices dipped, stocks rose and I think I'll buy a whole bag of cheesy poofs with the profits! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Shorting Iran! Wall Street Shrugs Off Bombings Like They're Kyle's Mom

Mon 23 June, 2025 17:53
3 minutes to read

Oil futures spiked after President Trump, that dumbass, decided to stir up trouble in Iran by attacking their nuke sites. Now everyone's worried about the Strait of Hormuz and whether we'll all be driving electric scooters soon. Screw you guys, I'm going home! image

Respect My Authority! Oil Prices Go Haywire After Trump Screws With Iran!

Mon 23 June, 2025 11:29
2 minutes to read

President Trump, like a total boss, apparently blew up Iran's nuclear stuff. Suck it, Iran! Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Bombing Iran! Trump Obliterates Nuclear Wessels... I Mean, Facilities!

Sun 22 June, 2025 13:07
3 minutes to read

Cartman reports on how Mark Zuckerberg is throwing mountains of cash at AI startups and talent to try and make Meta not suck. image

Zuckerberg's AI Shopping Spree: Is He Finally Gonna Be Cool?

Sat 21 June, 2025 10:28
2 minutes to read

Cartman reports on the new Oakley Meta HSTN smart glasses, because obviously, he needs them more than you do. Get ready to be HOW-STUNned by my superior tech knowledge! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting Smart Glasses! Meta and Oakley Team Up to Make You Look Like a Tool!

Fri 20 June, 2025 13:16
2 minutes to read

Cartman reports on Meta and Oakley's new smart glasses, because apparently, even athletes need to be cooler than him. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting Smart Glasses! (And You're Not!)

Fri 20 June, 2025 13:16
2 minutes to read

Airbus cleans up at the Paris Air Show while Boeing hides under a rock, probably crying. Deals are flying faster than Kenny can die! image

Screw You Boeing, Airbus Rules the Freakin' Sky!

Thu 19 June, 2025 14:10
3 minutes to read

Apple's rumored to be working on a folding iPhone, and I, Eric Cartman, will be first in line, even if those stupid Samsung people are making the screen! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting a Folding iPhone! And You Can't Have One!

Wed 18 June, 2025 18:14
2 minutes to read

Cartman reports on how companies are using 'tariff engineering' to outsmart those stupid trade laws and save money. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Gaming the Tariffs!

Wed 18 June, 2025 07:56
3 minutes to read

According to some financial dude, AI and dumb Americans spending money are the only things driving the stock market. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Predicting the Stock Market (and AI is Awesome!)

Tue 17 June, 2025 17:56
2 minutes to read