Vatican Bank Enters the Investment Arena With Catholic Values-Based Indexes

The Queen of Blades Weighs In

Alright minions Kerrigan here. Let's talk about this Vatican Bank business. Seems even the holiest of institutions can't resist the allure of…*shudders*…the stock market. I mean if I had a credit to the amount that the Vatican Bank holds I'd probably spend it on some better defensive fortifications for my zerg brood on Char. But sure let's play the market. Makes sense. "My patience is infinite". Or at least it feels that way waiting for these index funds to *actually* do something.

Human Bonds? More Like Profit Margins

The Vatican Bank claims these indexes prioritize "human bonds and social justice." Oh please. I've seen more genuine altruism from a pack of hungry zerglings. Still gotta give 'em credit. Slapping a "Catholic" label on something is a surefire way to rake in the credits isn't it? "Think of what we could accomplish if we combined zerg ingenuity with terran technology" and then added some catholic values and principles? Now that would be something. Speaking of ingenuity Pfizer Charts a Course Beyond Covid's Reach charting its own course sounds about right if these guys have to survive in this world.

From Scandal to Securities: A Redemption Arc?

Let's not forget the Vatican Bank's… colorful past. Money laundering organized crime… sounds like a quiet Tuesday night in the Koprulu Sector. Apparently they're trying to clean up their act with these ethical indexes. Good luck with that. Trying to wash away the sins of the past in a tidal wave of ETF investments? Bold move Cotton let's see if it pays off.

ETFs: The New Holy Grail?

The article mentions the potential for these indexes to be licensed for ETFs. Oh joy. Another way for the rich to get richer while the rest of us are stuck fighting over scraps. But hey at least it's *thematic*. I wonder if I could launch a Zerg themed ETF? Invest in creep spread spine crawlers and overlords. Now *that's* what I call a high growth portfolio.

Meta and Amazon: The Modern Saints?

The US based index includes Meta and Amazon among its top holdings. Right. Because those companies are *totally* paragons of ethical behavior. Maybe they donate to the right charities? Who knows. I'm sure their employees feel deeply valued and respected...said no one ever. But it is all about perception. "The swarm is upon you!" Or maybe it is just another earnings report.

The Bottom Line: More Creds for the Church

Ultimately this is about money. More money for the Vatican disguised as ethical investing. And hey who am I to judge? We all gotta survive somehow. But don't expect me to start investing in "Catholic friendly" stocks anytime soon. I'll stick to what I know best: dominating the galaxy. Because sometimes power is all that matters and "I am the swarm."